I am officially at peace with the fact that in my life, when it rains, it pours. So I am not at all surprised at how my Christmas Eve turned out.
My beautiful and rambunctious children are with their dad for this holiday season, but I don’t know why I expected a peaceful Christmas Eve! I just moved into this cute house in the woods on Sunday, December 23. I got here pretty late, and the next morning woke up with no voice and feeling pretty sick. I did absolutely NOTHING for most of the day! Finally, I muster up enough energy to put my room in order and set up my computer.
I go to plug in my power strip, but crap, it’s a 240v plug! What am I supposed to do with that? So I look around for another plug, find one, but it’s broken. Seriously? Third plug I try has got to be the winner, but I was wrong. There is no grounding port (it’s an old house!). I’m nearing a state of panic, because 2 months with no way to hook up my computer is No Bueno!! So I venture out to Walmart, on Christmas Eve, to try and find some sort of adapter. I am successful!!!!
As I am setting up my computer area later in the evening, I see my kitten, Bella, dart across the room in an out of the ordinary sort of way. I glance up to look at her and she is foaming at the mouth. What the HELL!!! My eyes are the size of golf balls and I freeze in place for a split second as I stare at her in disbelief clawing at the bubbles and spit pouring from her mouth. I drop everything and jump into action. Grabbing my cat, keys, and Google searching the nearest animal hospital, I run down the stairs to my car. The first vet turns me away because I wasn’t going to be able to pay their fees on arrival (I had just used literally all of my money during the move due to the fact that I underestimated my mileage by almost 150 miles… oops). So I called a second, and finally a third emergency vet. NO ONE WOULD TAKE HER. I am officially in hysterics, crying like a baby! I can’t lose my Bella! I even yelled at the last receptionist that if my cat died it was her fault. Clearly, I am actually the one loosing my mind, not my sweet little kitty. By this time though, Bella seems ok. Extra lovey, but ok. So I decided to just monitor her for a while to see if there are any changes.
(These 2 pictures are of Boots and Bella passed out after a long night of shenanigans)
A few hours later, I am suffering from the worst adrenaline hangover ever from our little scare, and I decide to go to bed.
Sometime during the night, and creaking noise awakens me, and I open my eyes just in time to see Boots, my younger kitten, pressing against the screen in the window with her paws. (Let me share with you that I noticed earlier in the day that the screen was loose, and Boots paid particular attention to this.) About 2 nanoseconds after I opened my eyes to see the cat pressing against the screen, the screen breaks free, and falls out of the window… with my Boots attached to it. This is a second story window. I gasp, once again frozen, with my mind racing on what the hell I am supposed to do. I jump out of bed and run out into the freezing cold in only my underwear a robe, and TOMS. I start calling for her, as I walk around the dark creepy house in the middle of the woods to where the screen fell out. No boots in site. Well at least she was not dead. I walk back around the side of the house, and my new roommate is outside smoking. Apparently he heard the commotion and wanted to check it out. We see Boots, I try to grab her but she leads me on a high speed chase through the yard. I now have a witness, watching me run through the pitch black backyard, in my underwear, TOMS, and a robe, chasing my dumb furry child that jumped out of my second story window. I finally catch her, bring her inside, and wearily climb back into my bed, but not before I noticed it was 4 in the morning.
Crisis number 2, averted.
A few hours later, it’s daylight, and I open my eyes again to Boots… staring at the bench right next to me. Weird. My sleepy eyes then focus on this enormous, disgusting, chiseled bug sitting on the bench… staring right at me. You guessed it… I froze. Boots moves in, ever so cautiously. The Schwarzen-bug parts his rock hard butt cheeks and shoots Boots in the face with some sort of liquid torpedo. Guess what happened next. She starts foaming at the mouth. (At least it wasn’t poison!!) I kind of snicker at the butt juice shooting bug that caused so much commotion the night before. So I reach over and open the window that Boots escaped from earlier, grab a small paper bag next to my bed and set it on the bench, then I spray the bug with essentials oils. (Hey it’s all i have on hand!) But sure enough, the bug is annoyed enough to walk it’s happy ass right into the bag. And out the window the bag goes.
Crisis 3, averted.
After some internet research, I discover the creepy Schwarzen-bug is actually a stink bug. 🙂
I am exhausted!!!!
Never be so naive to think, that just because your kids aren’t with you at any certain moment, you won’t still have a life and death crisis to attend to!
Merry Christmas Everyone!!